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It was complicated.
Then, it always seems to be when feelings get involved.
I had never meant to break his heart – and I had certainly never wanted him to fall in love with me. I can even recall telling him that, “Don’t fall for me, I will only disappoint you.”
He had looked at me then; eyes wide, hair a mess, lips swollen – I should have walked away then. I already knew, and part of me seemed to be perfectly okay with that, “I won’t”
Blindly he had agreed against something that was already eating him up inside. I saw it as he looked away.
He did not listen and a few weeks later he fell.
I let him get too close as I laid there, head on his chest and his arm around my waist. Those three dreaded words escaped in a whisper as his arm tightened around me.
“I cannot catch you,” I whispered back.
He nodded.
We laid there silently until I could feel the steady rhythm of his breathing slow.
I moved quickly.
He had done everything I had begged him not to, and I could not bring myself to let him break my heart one day.
I left – moving further away before he could fall any deeper.